Games

Cubone, the worst Pokemon


I’ve had this conversation a few times recently with my friends, and felt the need to share it with the wider world.

So look at this guy:

That’s a Cubone. The skull he wears? That’s the skull of his dead mother that he wears because he’s been viciously traumatized by her death. Yeah. What the fuck, right? I mean, I’ve heard of grieving before, but this is some next-level shit here.

The thing you have to understand though, is that there isn’t just one Cubone out there. There’s a whole species of these guys, and they are never seen without their mother-skulls. Every single one of them has a dead mother that they wear as a hat.

So you have to ask: why would that happen? Odds are against it being an accident befalling every Cubone mom, which leaves the most likely cause as cultural: For some reason, Cubone mothers are killed so their children can have neat headgear. Maybe the kids do the job themselves, or maybe someone else in the family does it for them (a tearful father?), but clearly the kids are aware of it, and probably present for it, which explains why they have such incredible mental scarring.

Now, take it a step further. A pair of parents only can produce one Cubone child – Mom has to give up her life (and skull!) before her child can head out into the world. Even if we assume that Dad moves on after each traumatic wardrobe conversion, predators and accidents would claim a non-negligible number of children. This is a species in decline.

Eventually the world of Pokemon will be completely devoid of Cubones, and perhaps this is for the better.

Because GODDAMN, right?

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